There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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