I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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