I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
love makes seman taste better
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize