he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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