Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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