i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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