you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
