shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
