There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
