is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
