I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
