Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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