I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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