your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
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