One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
When are your genitals available?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
that is very illegal...i love you.
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