On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Randomize
