Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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