on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
