At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
