How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
