You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
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