watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Actions speak louder than pants.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
