I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
