i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You need Xanax blowdarts
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
