he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
