that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
