my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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