Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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