just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
