Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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