The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
