so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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