last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
