weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
