i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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