Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
