Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
