Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
