I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
