Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
