this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
