looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
