i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
