cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
