Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
