I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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