The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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