she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
