Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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