She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
