My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
