and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
